Friday, October 12, 2012

5 Things We Wished Were On Rick Ross' 'Black Bar Mitzvah' Mixtape


Rick Ross released another posse-heavy mixtape for the masses.

Though lacing the expected street bangers with Maybach Music G-notes, the Bawse came up a little short for his Black Bar Mitzvah. With the staple Pharrell-pro
duced cut, a couple bars about the Jeezy brawl at the BET Awards and his right-hand Jewish man Drake making a cameo, we could have used more elements of surprise.

If Rozay really wanted to rejoice his 'coming of age,' then here are five additions that would have made the celebration worthwhile.
1. The Jew Crew
Ross could pluck any artist to by-line his collaboratio
ns. Utilizing his large network, the Maybach master could have featured one track with an all Hasidic Hip Hopper line-up including Mac Miller, Drake and Matisyahu. Maybe even go the unexpected route and call on A-Trak or Dave Guetta for an EDMMG joint just to get the hipsters going.
2. Shyne On
The former Puffy protegee may have been mouthing off about the ex-correctio
ns officer but maybe Shyne Po just wanted a chance to lay down his bars alongside Ross. Not only would it bring Shyne's catalog some luster, his orthodox Jewish ties would have been a beef-squashing collab cleanser for Rozay. The title would read as follows: "God Forgives, I Do, Too."
3. Kosher Rap
Diced pineapples and Wing's Stop won't whet appetites forever. After several seizure setbacks, the MMG leader should push his health conscious tip a bit further and dedicate 16s to all kosher food items, then dabble in the diet for a more invigorating challenge. And in case he can't recall his grocery list, Vulture listed all his edible raps here.


 4. Celebratory Garb
As pricey as Louboutins and Balmain sound, Ricky Ross should show love to the kippahs (skull caps) and tallits (prayer shawls) that adorn bar mitzvah celebrants. Synagogue suit pieces could be conservative
-flashy too. 
5. Chelsea Handler Drop
The late-night comedy queen has experience in wooing rappers (hi 50) and we were convinced sparks would fly when Chelsea Handler told the Bawse on her talk show that she "loved big black men!" and said she would upgrade from Fif to Rick. If Peter Rosenberg can get some wax, we're sure there's space for Chels too. She could even sub for the model who does the Maybach stutter for shiggles.

No comments:

Post a Comment